Through social networking I have become familiar with and became involved with many “causes.” I have used social networking to further some causes that are important to me. There is a cause that stands out for me. It hits home simply because I have children. It is any parents’ worst nightmare… to lose a child. Whether it be from an accident or a horrible disease, it is a parents’ biggest fear. It is mine. Through Facebook I have become familiar with a story of a boy by the name of Carter Kettner. I didn’t know him personally. I didn’t know his parents. I am a friend of a friend and it was through my friend’s Facebook posts that I got to know Carter and his family. I cried at every update. I cried whenever I saw his picture posted. I am crying right now as I write this. You see, Carter was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in his brain stem when he was just 5 years old. He passed away on May 12, 2010, just over a year after his diagnosis. I followed Carter’s story as it unfolded. I still do via posts about the charitable foundation that was founded in his memory – Cancer Kiss My Cooley – http://www.cancerkissmycooley.org/ . The most recent posts have been regarding the third annual gala to raise funds for CKMC. Seeing these posts stirred my emotions. I am not sure if Carter’s family knows just how far his story, his inspiration, his life, his strength has reached. I am a perfect stranger to them, but their son, Carter, has affected me profoundly.
Quite some time ago, when my occupation was that of police officer, I had encountered a family whose daughter was terminally ill. I was deeply affected by that encounter. I didn’t have children at that time so I didn’t fully understand the bond between parent and child and I couldn’t fully imagine what it might feel like if that bond were to be forever severed by circumstance and horrible misfortune. Of course I felt incredibly sad for them. I felt frightened for her. I couldn’t understand why these things happen to children. I still don’t. But I just couldn’t imagine how profound and deeply devastating the loss of a child could be until I had my own. Once you have children, your perspective on everything changes. But nevertheless this experience clung to me. I couldn’t shake it. And then one night, while struggling to stay awake on the midnight shift, I wrote a poem about this girl, her family, her fate. It is written as if she were the author. As far as poems go, it is nothing spectacular artfully speaking. But I promise you it was written full of emotion. It was cathartic for me, as most writing is.
The promotional posts for the CKMC gala has brought Carter to the forefront of my heart and mind. I revisited this old poem, tweaked it a bit and thought that I’d share it. I would like to dedicate it to Carter and his family and I hope that you all visit the CKMC website via the link embedded above in order to get a full portrait of this brave little boy.
Embracing the Light
lend me your ear
I have something to say
I am uncertain how this came to be
but I know that I cannot be saved
this reality is frightening
it seems I am dying everyday
fate has ordained me an angel
at such a young age
this disease is such a burden
a jagged, bitter pill
I can’t believe this has happened
life is so suddenly still
mother, she cries silently
and father, he is so brave
might I share with them tomorrow
or will God have me today
brother and sister
i’ll soon say good-bye
i’ll live on in your memory
i’ll watch over you from the sky
there must be a reason
i’ll not be afraid to die
the angels gave me my halo
I must allow my soul to fly
as I take my last breath
please hold me tight
as my ghost leaves my body
and my spirit embraces the light
smashedmatatoes 